24-03-2009 i already tell but not really confirm yet

telling my boss wife that i want to quit is very hard!!

i feel very hard to tell her because she is clever and like to ask why and ask lot, i like people that like to ask me why and a lot but i am lying!! how to give her more reason.. simple lying and joking is easy, lying? i cant say!!

i cant talk Mandarin well. if i want to explain why and more, huh, this make me cant say. things that i want to tell is, i am going to study on may so i have to quit on march and prepare at April, this is my reason. if she ask more, i will DIE!!

i tell Raven on sms that i will change my identity to BABI HUTAN if i fail to tell that i want to quit my work after lunch. you know what? i feel so regret after saying this xD it make me feel so HARD and it make me, i must say it today even if Raven don't call me that.

i feel so stressing and got a lot of pressure today
in the office, the boss wife is beside me and i cant tell her
i already tell Raven that i will tell her with 100% but i don't
telling boss actually is more difficult
i walk in and out to office and store today
torturing myself in store because i cant tell boss wife that i want to quit
sorry.. that i cant tell boss wife
i am really torturing myself in store
punch the wall very hardly
bang my head to wall
biting myself and hurt myself
i am too useless and emotional
actually this is my express way
nothing to be weird and why, so?
this is quit a stupid act but i am fine now
my fist is hard and strong, my head is hard ;)
fist injured a bit, of course, punching the wall
doing that because i am too useless
i got think a lots of way but i don't want
i want to say it now and today
i already say it is 100%
i tell myself, if i cant say this simply things, how do i say the sing that i always want to say in real life? Shirley is right about what she say
she say i will never say what i want to say forever
i will kill her ;)

actually when i really feel like want to say, both of them are there. Raven ask me no go even they are there. sorry, i still cant..

at last, i wait and wait and wait, i wait until 5.45pm only leave office because i want to tell boss that i want to quit. actually the things that i tell my boss if different with what i plan to say at very first. i tell my boss

mister wong, there are a school that say i can continue my studying on April so i think i am going to quit my work after march so it is okay? what the F*CK that you say? i am not going to let you quit!! LOL he will never say that. he is just like =_= look at me. i never talk with him with calling him mister wong that polite. i don't even call my parent papa mama, i only call my sister mei mei or pei yi.. my boss just say okay okay :D

heh, my sister get mad and go play because my mother is having dinner and no time to teach my sister homework LOL she is playing card with herself. i am too old to mix and play with her. i am ten year older that her leh.. hard to get along, she know how to play alone is already very good.

there are one more matters bugging my feeling, sometime :D and sometime ;(