27-08-2009 下part (end)

my mother is going to kill me if she know that i am still online at this late hour. i cant sleep now because i want to update this post.

0135

just now i talk on phone for more than one hours, i believe that my phone bill will going to be like hell.. i use my digi number to call a hotlink number..

human is always a type of living things that get emotionate very easily. just like myself, i really feel so uncomfortable till i wanted to cry out, can you guess how stressing am i? and actually whats wrong going on into me? can anyone understand? no, only myself.

i am a very useless guy, dumb and always no confidence to myself, trying to be strong and brave, thought that i can improve myself to be better than always, stronger in anything, but i cant. weak is weak, must accept the true, i feel like crying and i can cry right away.

i am very exhausted now, tomorrow still got work, need to wake up at 0600 to get ready and prepare. what is the time now? i already got three night not enough sleep, tomorrow i will be a very dead at working, hope i can be energetic a bit and fast respond on work.

this type of problem is always very complicated, got one friend tell me that he got a friend that have a very perfect partner, after hearing that, my heart straight away fall.. so it mean i wont have a perfect partner? my confidences level dropped and fall already.

= =
i am too silent recent, no one really know my problem and stuff, even my closest bird don't know whats really happen. i hate flirting and i dont like lying and cheating or not real. i need to change, this is what i know.. no matter how many time i said that, i still will saying that, till now.. dont know when only i can really have the different.

last few day, i tolled someone what i have feel, she just like nothing and okay, i feel so angry because of no respond, feeling down afterward. a stick knife, stick by stick stabbed into my heart with some jealousy feeling. it is not easy to get know to each other to be close like a very close friend. the feeling of jealous and scare someone being take over is really so hard to feels, you only feel pain and crying when yours follow other go.

going to sleep after this
actually it is very stupid and not suppose to be happen or this is what we call things that cannot be explain happened to me? i have gave up a very big heavy bag, now i have another one on my back. feeling so not well

GOOD NIGHT